


Friends and Benefits

by DanceWithMeForScience



Category: Star Trek: Discovery
Genre: Angst, Demisexual Paul Stamets, Denobulans, Friends With Benefits, Implied Sexual Content, M/M, Not Beta Read, Other, Slice of Life
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-09
Updated: 2020-07-09
Packaged: 2021-03-05 05:55:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,850
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25159615
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DanceWithMeForScience/pseuds/DanceWithMeForScience
Summary: Paul learns a lot about friendship, companionship, and love through spending time with his Denobulan friend Azra. Some scenes from their time together over the years and how their relationship changes.
Relationships: Hugh Culber/Paul Stamets, Paul Stamets & Original Non-Binary Character
Comments: 7
Kudos: 16





	Friends and Benefits

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Cygfa](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Cygfa/gifts).



> An idea that took over my brain last weekend, but I know I won't have time to fully edit/explore further. Thanks for the idea, @cygfa.  
> I envisioned it fitting into the universe of my This Entire Planet series! But I didn't fact-check it to make sure it was totally consistent. Just wedge it in there.

“Straal is convinced that I’m going to die alone,” Paul grumbles. “I wish he’d mind his own business. I’m fine.”

Azra laughs, their wide Denobulan smile filling the screen. “He definitely seems overly invested in your relationship status.” Their smile drops slightly. “Does he know about… us?”

Paul grimaces. “He might suspect. No, he probably does. But I’m sure if he thought we were serious or exclusive he’d be more obnoxious about it. So thank fuck for that.”

Azra runs a hand through their short dyed red hair. “I’m really never going to get over how humans are about these things.” They sigh. “It seems overly complicated. You’re attracted to someone, but you don’t want a relationship. You just do what seems comfortable to you. Why is this a topic of teasing or endless discussion? It is what it is.”

“To be fair, Azra, many humans are that way. Straal is… extremely… straight. And projects about his relationship with Amelia onto everyone else. He’s happy that way so he assumes it’s the pinnacle of happiness for everyone else.”

“Ah, yes.” They chuckle. “Humans certainly attach a lot of cultural meaning to monogamous heterosexuality. I read that historical article you sent me but I still don’t totally understand it.”

“You’re telling me. How is your husband, by the way?”

“Hetol’s working hard on his novel, tending his garden at his wives’ house. I haven’t actually seen him in a few days. He wanted quality time with his wives and their children.”

Like Azra, Paul finds his friend’s life hard to imagine. It’s certainly full of love, and people, and activity. Azra seems happy with it. It sounds like a lot of chaos to Paul. Going back and forth between houses, or having multiple spouses living together.

“Well, say hi to Hetol for me when you see him.”

“Of course. He asked about you just the other day. Sometime I hope he’ll come with me to see you. But on this next trip I’ll be offworld for weeks, and he hates to travel.”

“What day will you be here again?”

“Well, my ticket is on Denobulan time so I’ll have to look it up and get back to you.” A beep sounds in the background and Azra’s eyes widen. “My experiment is done, I have to go. See you later, Paul.”

“Bye, Azra, until-” But Azra has already closed the screen before Paul can finish his goodbye.

Azra’s visit comes quickly, after a busy week in the lab. When Paul leaves early to go meet them, Straal does give him a slightly smirking look. _Dammit_. Paul scowls at him extra hard, which of course just makes him smirk more. Paul flips him off as he stalks out the door.

Azra is exhausted from the long travel from Denobula but still more cheerful than Paul would be in that situation. They drop their bags at Paul’s apartment and head out for dinner at a local Szechuan restaurant. Azra’s never had this kind of food, but as they approach everything, they do it with enthusiasm.

“Ah, this reminds me of a dish from Iyax, we call it _usbal_!” they exclaim while digging into a plate of ma po tofu. “This is much more flavorful though. Spicy.”

Afterward, they take a shuttle to Fire Island and walk along the beach. The air is warm and breezy, and the beach is not too crowded as the sun is setting. Azra talks about their work as a chemical engineer, learning to play a kind of flute used in Denobulan orchestras. But suddenly they’re telling Paul about their last night out in the Kaybin District’s bars.

“Speaking of flutes, I went out to the bars in the Kaybin District a few weeks ago. It was such a pleasurable night,” Azra says, smiling as they remember. “There was this one very soft, intense man with the most beautiful hands, like a professional flute player. I must have come six times. And there was this other person…”

Paul can feel the blush on his cheeks and wonders if Azra can see it. “Uhhh.”

“Oh!” Azra whips their head around, looking contrite. “Sorry, I forgot myself. Humans don’t normally share those kind of stories, is that right?”

“Well, I’m sure some do,” Paul says, clearing his throat. “Not me.”

“May I ask, tell me if I am being invasive: Do you have establishments like that? Have you ever been to one? You don’t have to go into detail.”

“There are such places here. I’ve never been to one. I wouldn’t enjoy it.” Paul thinks of the bathhouses and bars other people he’s known have been to. “Is it… are you in _public_ when you’re doing this? Like other people can watch?”

“If you want. There are also places to go to be in private. I usually prefer to take things to a private room.”

“I’ve never been one for casual sex,” Paul says. “Let alone in some bar.”

“There’s nothing casual about it!” Azra insists. “It’s such an intimate experience to have with a stranger.”

“But you never see these people again?”

“No, not usually.”

Paul frowns. “I just don’t have the energy for sex with randoms. It sounds exhausting.”

“You prefer _only_ to have sex with people you already know?”

Paul laughs, surprised at Azra’s tone. “Yes. Is that so unusual on Denobula?”

Azra sounds affronted. “Well, no, Paul, we have three-part marriages for a reason. And I wouldn’t be here with you if I didn’t enjoy your company on many levels. But… it’s well understood on Denobula that sexual attraction can be only physical, and anonymous. It’s quite normal. And rather than exhausting, as you call it, it’s exhilarating.”

Paul finds himself raising his voice. “I’m not _saying_ that doesn’t exist on Earth, it definitely does. If you talked to someone else you’d get an entirely different view. I’m just telling you I don’t prefer it.”

There’s a long pause as they continue to walk, Azra sighing and sounding like they’re about to speak several times. Finally, they say, “I think we’re arguing about what each of us enjoys, which is quite ridiculous. I’m sorry.”

“Yes,” Paul says, hating the awkwardness of this moment. Reluctantly, because he doesn’t think he has to apologize for anything, he adds, “I’m sorry too.”

Azra stops and takes Paul’s hand, bringing him to a stop as well. “I’d like to focus on enjoying our time together, since I’m only here for two days. Can we put this behind us?”

Their eyes are so big, and their expression so earnest, that it diverts Paul from feeling upset, just a little. He nods and takes a deep breath. “Of course.”

“Good.” Azra squeezes his hand. “If you’re not still angry with me, maybe we could head back? I’ve been thinking about getting you into bed for days. Also, the moonlight is making you look delicious.”

Paul barks out a surprised laugh. “Lead the way.”

Azra chuckles and lets go of his hand, beginning to walk faster back toward the shuttle stop. Paul picks up his pace to keep up.

Azra is snoring softly against his shoulder while Paul runs his fingers down the line of fur on his friend’s back. Sunlight streaming through the window of his bedroom. It’s early morning, and he’s thoughtful.

A part of him is grateful for this arrangement. Azra is a good friend, and has been for years. In fact, he’s known Azra longer than he’s known Straal, although it wasn’t until a couple years ago that the present arrangement developed. It’s a comfort to know that even if there is no one on the horizon he can settle down with, at least Azra can drop in every now and then, being the ray of sunshine that they are, and giving him the closeness he wants but can’t quite put into words.

But he wishes, he realizes, for another type of relationship. And perhaps it’s taken these two years of occasional visits from Azra to realize that he wouldn’t mind more. Not with Azra - their lifestyles don’t mesh at all, and he’s never felt the desire to intensify their relationship in any way. As Azra said, “it is what it is.”

He sighs, and Azra stirs. “Are you thinking too hard again?” comes the sleepy murmur.

“You know me too well,” Paul admits.

“Work?”

“Sure,” he lies. What’s the point of having this discussion with Azra?

Meeting Hugh a few years later throws wrenches into every gear of Paul’s life. He can’t concentrate on work for a while, the intensity of their connection and late-night/early-morning conversations making him nearly unable to think of anything else. Straal keeps asking him if he’s ill, and Paul keeps deflecting.

And then Azra calls and says they’ll be traveling near Deneva and can they visit? They haven’t seen each other in almost a year, and part of Paul wants very much to see his friend. But it can’t be the same. He knows they’ve had good times together, as friends and as friends with benefits (a term Azra regards with deep amusement), but the “benefits” part doesn’t fit into Paul’s life right now and as much as he knows Azra is empathetic and understanding, he can’t bring himself to add that conversation to his mental capacity.

He lies to Azra again. “Sorry, crunch time at work.” An excuse he’s made at other times, with reluctance, but now he feels only a guilty relief.

And after he goes to Thalus Prime, there’s really no turning back. He and Hugh have something very special and Paul will do anything for this relationship.

On the shuttle ride home, he vascillates between daydreaming about his time with Hugh, and mild panic about what he knows he has to do.

When he gets home, he has to call Azra.

He texts them -

> _Paul: I’m on a shuttle back to Deneva - when can we talk when I get home? Tomorrow?_
> 
> _Azra: I’m on holiday this week, call whenever. Looking forward to seeing your face, stranger._

He should be exhausted by the time he gets home - he hardly slept last night, wanting to soak up every minute with Hugh, but he’s wired.

“Hey Azra,” he says, trying hard to act normal. They’ll know soon enough, but somehow he wants to maintain the normalcy for as long as possible.

“Paul!” Their affectionate grin lights up the screen.

“I need to tell you something.”

Right away that grin falls off. “What’s wrong?” They lean in toward the screen, brushing their chin-length red hair back from their face, and Paul is suddenly struck with a memory of brushing their hair back, years ago, when they were in bed together.

Being with Hugh already feels like the best thing that’s ever happened to him. But now he realizes, he’s going to miss some things about Azra too.

“I met someone,” he says simply. “I think I love him.”

“Well, that’s great, Paul!”

“It is.” He smiles half-heartedly. “But it means that our friendship has to change.”

Azra’s innocent puzzlement, cocking their head at him curiously, feels like twisting the knife. “Why would that be?”

He knows they’ve talked a lot about the differences between humans and Denobulans, on a large scale, but this comes down to preferences he’s probably never voiced to Azra. He’s never needed to. “Humans. Many of us… can only be with one person at a time.”

“I’m not asking to get in on sex with both of you!” Azra laughs. “I’m not into that myself. Don’t worry.”

“That’s not what I mean. Hugh and I are going to be exclusive.” How the hell do you explain that concept to a Denobulan? “That means we can’t have sex any more. When you come to visit. We can see each other, we can be friends, we can hug each other. But the sexual stuff, and the kissing - that’s off the table.”

Azra’s eyes widen. “Oh.” They glance off screen, and then back to him, and then down toward their hands on the desk. “Oh.”

“It’s nothing about you,” Paul says hurriedly. “Really. It’s… it’s about me. What I need.”

“I don’t really understand.” Azra’s voice is shaking. He’s never heard them so hurt before. “But if that’s what you need, then of course.” They smile weakly. “Are you sure I didn’t do something wrong, Paul?”

 _This is so much harder than I even imagined_. “No, I - you’re wonderful, Azra. I hope we’ll always be friends. I think - this is just where those cultural differences between humans and Denobulans come in. A lot of us, when we fall in love… we only want one sexual relationship. I mean, other humans are different, of course, but me. Well. That’s me.”

“Okay. I still don’t understand, of course, but… I believe you. Thank you for telling me.”

“I’m sorry. I… have really enjoyed our times together.”

“Me too.” A few tears are wending their way down Azra’s cheeks. “I think I need some time to go think?”

Paul nods. “Sure.”

“Take care, Paul.”

The screen goes blank.

It’s not a breakup, but it sure feels like one.

With time, Paul’s guilt about hurting Azra fades. Occasionally it resurfaces, when he’s up late laughing and talking with Hugh. When he and Hugh go to Earth, he remembers the time he and Azra spent in New York, eating Chinese food, walking on Fire Island, and then going back to Paul’s apartment for a long, hot night together. It was a good time. A time that helped him realize he wanted a relationship like the one he has now with Hugh. Hugh is _perfect_ for him and he wouldn’t give him up for anything.

But he hasn’t talked to Azra in months. He isn’t sure if he should contact them. Just every once in a while, he wishes there had been some way to keep Azra and Hugh in his life in a way that wouldn’t hurt anyone.

Finally, one night when Hugh is working a double shift, his thoughts get the best of him, and he sends Azra a message.

> _I hope you’re doing well, Azra. If you still want to talk to me, I meant what I said. I do want to be friends. -Paul_

He stays up for an hour, wondering if he’ll get a response, but there’s nothing. Finally he goes to sleep.

When he wakes up, there’s a message for him.

> _Hi Paul! I wasn’t really sure if you did want to be friends. Humans seem to say that a lot but not mean it. I’m fine. I got a promotion at work and I’m the second lead in my lab! I hope you and Hugh are well. I do want to talk more. Let’s make a time. -Azra_

When they do talk, it seems like they spend most of the time just trying to clarify cultural differences for each other. Yes, humans often say they want to be friends but don’t mean it, but Paul did mean it. Azra was worried Paul wasn’t being forthright about the reasons for calling off their sexual relationship, but after conferring with other people about human customs, had reasoned that he had at least given a legitimate response. They just weren’t sure how to try to continue their friendship at a distance.

It’s a relief to chat with Azra the way he used to. And over the next couple of years, their friendship rebuilds.

When Paul and Hugh talk about getting married, Paul knows Azra has to be there, and asks his friend to be part of the wedding party. Azra accepts with glee and spends the next fifteen minutes searching for the perfect wedding party clothes, bombarding Paul with ideas.

When Azra and Hetol finally travel off-world together, they send Paul digital postcards from their travels, and Paul wishes that the war didn’t keep him on this damn ship.

When Hugh dies, and Discovery is finally back to Earth after the war, and he’s sat through a long medal ceremony that he could barely breathe through, Azra cries with him over comms when he thought he was too repressed to grieve out loud.

Things become so overwhelming after Hugh returns that Paul doesn’t contact Azra. He’s barely able to process the experience. And when he realizes they’re going to the future… he messages Azra briefly, breaking all sorts of protocols to do so. It feels perfunctory, nothing like what he’d like to thank Azra for after all this time.

_You_ _’ve been a true friend, Azra. I’m about to go on a very dangerous mission and I don’t think I’ll be returning. Thank you for everything. Give my best to Hetol. I’m sorry I never made it to see Denobula. -Paul_

930 years in the future, one of his greatest regrets is not being able to say goodbye in person to the only other person who has been his consistent friend all this time. His longest friend, a friend he has shared so much with. And that he couldn’t let him know Hugh came back.


End file.
